#1: They minimize your feelings. It is very hard to digest at first that many friendships in and outside of work sour because of success. He quickly noticed that all of the other friends he had hated hard work and had no desire to improve themselves. He got accepted while Ive been waitlisted. Not only was it in my dream field, it has a salary (19K a year) which is the most money I will ever have made in my life so far. This emotional pain registers in our brain the same way as physical pain. WebWhether you want to be more successful, whether you want to be happier and healthier, or whether you want to start taking more vacations even your close friends and family will Listen to daily meditations and discuss how youre practicing self-care with a supportive community. This sort of behavior is easiest to see when in a large, densely populated city, like New York. If youve clarified that you want to go to a specific university because you believe it will help you build your professional network and study under the best faculty, think about how you can achieve your goals of studying at a top school and building a strong network. Then consider how much time and effort youre putting into the things that are supposedly important to you. Im going to reveal an unflattering truth about myself in the hopes youve experienced the same thing and thus wont judge me. You may be expected to be unconditionally loving and supportive toward people who treat you like sh*t, simply because thats the enlightened thing to do. I dont want people to resent me, especially my best friend. Simply. And if they do get confronted about them, they can claim theyre being triggered and go hide from the situation, while the one doing the confrontation will be condemned for being aggressive and bringing the vibe down. First, dont feel shame or guilt about what youre feeling. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Everyone else will vary in how much they loathe you for beating them to the so-called finish line. If you find yourself not being able to be happy for others, take steps to work through your issues by considering the following: Whats going on in my life thats causing me to feel this way? Design, law, medical, arts, banking, tech -- you name it, all the industries are here and flourishing. One effective technique is to remember the person behind the item or achievement. Or loss? If not, ask your successful friend about what it took for them to get to where they are. We ended up having a great talk, and, yesterday, she told me about her plan to pay down her credit card debt. In addition, I was still studying full-time towards my two degrees. Self-Pity sounds like: Despite how things appear for others, real success takes workand it requires knowing what you want that work to be and connecting deeply with why you want to do it. Know that Ill be rooting for you!. I hope it all works out great for you!, or You deserve that kind of happiness, bro!. Mediocrity hates excellence. For example, one of my favorite personal pastimes is archery. Yeah, theyre achieving or experiencing something amazing and you arent, but you care about them. This phrase has been a cornerstone for both me and my partner over the years. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. Its a temporary roadblock and you can strategize new ways of moving past your situation. You can always change direction in life, provided that you keep moving forward. Thats okay, a lot of people have. Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you if you struggle to feel happy for others. If not, why arent you? Your network your five key people will determine the way you think, the way you act, and the way you approach your life goals. Have you ever felt sad when watching others succeed? While it may be tempting to say all of the above, the truth is that the more you can clarify what this loss represents to you, the more youll know what matters most to you moving forward. When other peoples successes make you feel sad, bring the focus back onto yourself and what you love. Quite often, what you once wanted more than anything else becomes pretty inconsequential after a while. That emotional pain often shows up as envy. My friend and I applied for a masters at the same university. It will teach you about the people around you and give you great information on how they think, what they want, the way they perceive themselves and their self-control, or lack of. It is great that you are successful and have been meeting your goals. A mentor once told me that no matter how many close people you have in your network, if you want to be truly great, you must have three essential people in your life at all times: A great figure of history who embodied this principle was Aristotle. Stepping outside of yourself makes it easier to not compare your story to someone elses. The voice in your head should reflect motivation and inspiration, not doubt and fear. Ugh, I feel you! Im sure it will be a long road, but its so great to see her feeling empowered and turning over a new leaf. So I course correct and keep going. Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. Im sure along the way they experienced some bumps in the road. You would want the same behavior in return. We are all competitive by nature and knowing that we are not in last place is more comforting than being reminded of how far behind we are. Or use those feelings as fuel to drive your own goals and life changes? WebAnother reason to be happy when your friend is more successful than you is because your attitude ultimately makes the difference. There will almost certainly be a gap of years between your success and that of your friends. We can say that we will be happy to see our friends do well for themselves and acquire great achievement, but the fact of the matter is that we all get a little jealous. When you see someone else succeed, you are reminded of your lack of success. To learn more, check out her website. There seems to be an expectation nowadays that anyone who expresses what may be construed as negative emotionslike disappointment, hurt, anger, or betrayalis somehow not as evolved or woke as those who insist on being positive all the time. This could be anything from working much more than were used to, to feeling overwhelmed, to having people around us who are made to feel less-than-great about our news. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com. Then you can try to unpack why they want you to feel that way. But one of my best friends has being making some comments which are not so supportive. Instead of lashing out or dumping on others about your bummed feelings, get them out in healthier, more proactive ways. WebYou will notice that the people that are truly happy for you arent necessarily your closest allies. Its an ugly thing, but its very human, and it can be overcome. I feel like all my 14 hour days have finally paid off. Firstly, it will allow you to differentiate between the people who are actually your friends and those who arent better. Celebrating a friends success requires us to embrace feelings of vulnerability, she said. These boundaries are totally fair and healthy, and dont make you a bad person for setting them. They might be lauding their personal achievements and showing off their belongings, but that doesnt mean theyre actually happy. Still not sure how to be happy for others? If someone could improve his life, he spent as much time around them as possible. Why is that? This doesnt mean we pretend that we arent jealous or sad. If youre engaging in self-pity, you might find yourself showing up with lower energy than usual. Youve transcended them before, so this is a lesser wave. The way you talk to yourself might be your biggest hurdle. That sounds great, tell me more. The objective is to start at the bottom, not to stay there. It could be a sibling who treated you like crap but now has a life that youve always wanted. Almost all of them received offers but I was rejected. If friends dont want you to succeed, some may even do little things to undermine your success. You dont have to feel genuine happiness for someone if youre jealous, but sometimes you simply have to fake it for the sake of continued harmony. Now that you have identified your needs, its time to think about healthy and meaningful ways to pursue them. And now theres an expectation for you to express similar joy and support for them too. You may struggle with FOMO or feel like If youre feeling hurt or betrayed, forcing yourself to feel happiness toward them is going to lengthen your own healing process. Do you need to write a make or break list? How often have you heard that something great has happened to someone else, and instead of being happy for them, your instant response was jealousy? Depression sounds like: Alice Roosevelt Longworth Almost everyone knows the feeling: A friend or colleague has been promoted, has had some success, now has a bigger house, or is making more money, and rather than feeling happy for them, you're depressed and angryand part of you would really like to see them fail. That if you feel any of these lower frequency emotions, then you must be the problem, rather than whatever is causing those feelings. If youre not clear about your goals, challenge yourself to write them downyes, on real paper with a pen. Cheering people on actually improves your relationship with other people, and it can help you see their win as something to inspire younot send you into a comparison spiral. Similarly, people might show off photos of their amazing partner but not talk about the difficulties going on between them. Its hard to keep up a strict schedule to perfect your craft or improve yourself if you dont have people around you with similar interests. Take back control using Shine's award-winning self-care program. Step 1: Understand envy. Thankfully, competition is healthy. But how can you be happy for others when your own life is swirling down the drain? We want to know: How do you care for your mental health? Image description: Animated gif of a lady in a sparkly gown and mask surrounded by men bowing to her, with the words: BOW DOWN Share this: Email Facebook Reddit Twitter Tumblr Pinterest More Loading Related A while ago we were out to dinner, and he kept making very snarky comments about my new phone (which I brought as my job requires it), and my manicure (which my mum paid for as a congrats for getting the job). It can be hard to cheer for someone else going after their goals when your own goals feel unclear. The Luxe Venue Will Cost You, Banana Bread Recipes From TikTok For A Sweet Twist On The OG Loaf, Where Youll Meet Your New BFF, According To Your Zodiac Sign, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. You know how the worst things that have ever happened to you eventually came to an end? feel like your colleagues successes come at the expense of your own. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jim Rohn, A good friend of mine once told me of a man he knows who brought himself up from rags to riches. (isolation, withdrawal, or loneliness), Have I been wronged, violated, or mistreated? Sadly, pursuing your dreams involves a lot of downs before ups. These can include past traumas, current difficulties, and resentment toward that person for things theyve done to you, just to name a few. We all want to be amazing. Think about whats most important to you right now, be it career, education, fitness goals, material possessions, or relationships. Again, however, they're not happy for you; theyre happy to know you so they can now exploit you. We can say that we will be happy to see our friends do well for themselves and acquire great achievement, but the fact of the matter is that we all get a little jealous. You may still be healing from it, actually. 1. Its silly, but human beings usually prefer seeing people worse off than they are because it makes them feel that they arent doing so bad for themselves. Here Are 9 No Bullsh*t Bits Of Advice! Copyright 2022 Addicted2Success.com. You allow yourself to experience your envy fully, process, and work through it. The thing to keep in mind here is that just because you see an image of something online, it doesnt mean it represents reality. His company, Groupe Weyi, works with villagers in Central Africa to create lasting change through fair trade of resources. But I have no idea how to cope with these sort of comments. When youre here, you are in the middle of everything. They can help you to explore your thoughts and feelings and work on those things that stand in the way of your happiness for others. (fear, anxiety, or worry), Is what Im feeling because of shame? As an example, lets say that you have a sibling whom your parents favor. We all experience moments in life where we feel happiness mixed with a pang of jealousy. (And as always, dont forget to send your questions to askchelseaanything@thefinancialdiet.com). She even thought about the times she helped me pick out what to wear to interview people. They frequently try to outdo or one-up you. And I suspect Im not the only one who has it (and wants to change it). Maybe they cheated on you, or broke things off badly, causing damage thats taken a long time for you to heal from. Its not objectively agoodthing that achievements come with some kind of asterisk, but its not a bad thing, either. After all, the awful stuff they put you through is in the past, so you should simply get over it and be happy for them.. This cup of coffee Im drinking is absolutely perfect, but it will be finished in a few minutes, and Ill never have one exactly like it again. Do you have the kind of people who are going to lead you to live the life of your dreams? The choice is yours. #3 Your Success Reminds Them They Have Unfulfilled Dreams. Are you anxious? For example, when a good friend didnt buy my first book a few years ago, I told her that it hurt my feelings, and we talked it out from there. Click here if youd like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started. A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com here, youll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message. This 6 Step Process Is For You, A Marine Corps Drill Instructors 27 Personal Development Guideposts, 9 Strategies to Stop Chasing Happiness and Start Creating Happiness, The Secret Behind Being the Best, Elite, and Rich, Dont Burn Your Bridges Life is Too Short to Hold Grudges, How to Move on With Your Life Without Regrets. If this person has been genuinely good to you in the past, then make that your focus. Theyll be the ones who are worth cultivating long-term, trusting relationships with. I dont think Id be able to do that.". However, this does mean that the competition here isn't very strong -- one might even say brutal. The man took that advice to heart. The wealthy mans response was simple: keep the right company.. How am I supposed to face these rejections I dont want to apologize for my success or say I just got lucky, cause I at least feel like I worked somewhat hard to get here. I had a knot in my stomach bringing it up, but Im glad I did, and were better for it. Your email address will not be published. 1. Unfortunately, your competition doesnt always make the best of friends. See our affiliate disclosure for more info. Friendship doesnt discriminate, but how you choose to hang out can. Long-term goals and step-by-step success. When youre not exactly where you want to be, it can hurt to: Browse social media and see people having fun, See your friends doing things with people besides you. But there are ways to process and deal with these emotions. The sting of these unfavourable events is too much for many to stomach. More over, the people who do succeed dont succeed at the same exact time. (more), 4 Tips On How To Write Down Your Goals To Actually Reach Them, Need Help Reaching Your Goals? Rather than focusing on a preferred mode of feeling, perhaps analyze the feelings you do have instead. He worked at a newspaper where his boss a writer named Sherwood Anderson helped him get his first novel published. Id encourage anyone who is currently thinking about staging a financial intervention of some kind on a friend to read the full post (linked above), and to remember that at the end of the day, what we need most from the people we love is someone whoactuallycares and wants to be there to help throughout the whole process. A constant barrage of negative comments to wear you down and make you Not all envy is bad. As my consistency and accuracy improve with practice over time, so does my mood. From my personal experience, one of the best ways to move past old hurts and to be able to feel joy for others is to talk about those wounds with trusted friends or a competent therapist. Maybe you never help her professionally, but you frequently talk about her personal life while you eat lunch together, giving her a respite from working that re-energizes her when she gets back to her desks. Have you ever tried to figure out what you want for dinner, and you felt meh about the options? Think You Suck At Life? Without Fail and Entrepreneur On Fire are two of my favorite podcasts where people are open about their failures. We all want to be successful, happy, and regarded as important figures in our fields. To the receiver, it hurts when people cannot step outside of their story to be happy for you. Heres how: Whats key is how you choose to act afterward. I feel incredible blessed and appreciate the situation I am in. Cheering for your friends as you cope with setbacks can be challenging. Maybe you got into a great college that your parents refused to pay for, so you ended up having to work instead. Its unfortunate that other people have not yet made the transition into a more stable and prestigious/financially-comfortable job if thats their goal, but that doesnt mean that you took something from them by doing it yourself. Reasonable means taking into account what you have going on in other areas of your life and what you are personally capable of doing. Every emotional experience is an opportunity for you to gather information about your deep-seated needs and desires and eventually, use that information to guide your actions. Are you physically incapable of doing the thing you want? Have they been dealing with depression? WebAnother reason your friend or partner might appear to enjoy your failures is because change is hard. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved. The choice is yours as to whether you want to spend the rest of your days lamenting what you dont or cant have, or striving toward what you can have with consistent work and focus. The five-minute rule may be a little extreme, but there is an important lesson to learn from it: if you surround yourself with positive people who build you up, the sky is the limit. Even better: You can use it to help you grow into the person you want to be on your own terms. Theyll try to stop you from being successful by chipping away at your self confidence and self esteem. Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. Every great person was, is, or will be successful because of the company he or she keeps. Which brings me to this weeks question, which is also all about friendships, and how to navigate one of the more awkward parts of it. As such, if someone in your life has the opportunity to have or do something awesome, recognize that its also a fleeting situation. Are you spending too much time with negative people? Rather, aim for stoicism. And again, being successful does not mean someone is When you see someone else succeed, you are reminded of your lack of success. There have been people Ive more or less removed from my life because they were truly not happy for me/didnt have my best interests at heart, but they were also not super-close to begin with. Archery requires a great deal of concentration, so I have to stop worrying and focus my attention on what Im doing. Just over 2 months ago, I saw an ad for a part time position working 15 hours a week, and in a very official field. Similarly, it can be hard to react positively when your friend has bought an amazing new piece of gym equipment that youve always dreamed of owning and youre unable to exercise because youre nursing an injury. If you find that the concerning feeling persists, then maybe do some digging as to why. Being that I have been on the receiving end of a few in my time, I advised her on the best way to approach this friend and how to phrase her concerns in a way that might lead to something productive, instead of just an alienated friendship. Rather, it refers to our ability to acknowledge conflicting emotions: We can be sad for ourselves and happy for our friends.

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